We watched American Beauty last night. I've watched that movie over and over again, yet every time I see it new concepts arise. I smiled in my own selfish world tonight. For some reason as we were together on the couch, I couldn't open myself up to share with everyone else the desire to be beautiful. It's something, to be a beautiful person. I wish, I wish.

The boys came skating with me last night. I enjoyed it fully, all (Albert, Hans, and Kevin) of them clad in brown, craptastic rentals. I had fun with them though. Sam came over with stories of the Olsons...I've laughed so much in the past three days I don't know what to do. I haven't lost my emotions, but they are tucked away for later use, when emotion will be key. For now I'll just stick to being happy, enjoying life and what it chooses to share with me.


2:59 P.M.
How I've grown so lazy to sit down with my paper friend to confess thoughts that linger in my mind so heavily that I just want to cry. Jejune's Solar rings in my head as I scribbe my words. Makes me think of the nights we spent together in his car falling into each others arms when we were too tired to fall all the way to the ground. For now the memories that infect me daily will seem to haunt me until my death, will shatter my conscious mind, as fragile as porcelain. I remmeber the Sundays where we basked in boredom, retiring to his bed to be next to each other, to feel breathing so softly againts our skin. Those were the times I was never afraid to let go, because I knew, I knew, he'd always be there. But in a mere two days I feel like we've totally dismissed each other from our respective lives. On my end, now I am afraid to let go, to just give up and fail what loveis left for him. He won't allow me to be emotionally connected with him so I will bottle up those feelings for later use. I'll tuck them away in my heart and hope they stay well preserved.