I've been sitting here for the past 1 1/2 hours watching the clock slowly change...it's painstaking. I'm waiting for something to happen to me today, but so far nothing. It's a worthless day today. I'm tired and I'm sick, it seems like I've polluted the world with my presence for nothing. What a waste. Maybe I wait too much, maybe I should be more aggressive towards everything in life...Maybe I should just go back to sleep.

9:26 P.M.
I started writing this portion of this entry a half hour ago...and now a half hour's worth of writing is gone. There's a little girl crying inside her bedroom, looking for the right way out. Her heart is lying on the floor in a million pieces, Scotch tape drenched in pools of her tears, unable to adhere any longer. She needs support, she needs to be lifted up. She seeks shelter behind the words of everyone, moreso the one who hurt her. Maybe it wasn't her/him that hurt the little girl...maybe it was her own misconception and blindness that resulted in the torture of her own soul. My little girl is aching. My little girl is sad. My little girl will fade away, forgotten.

10:55 P.M. CST
Why do I feel bad for loving someone? There is nothing wrong with love, but why do I feel that I am killing someone else for loving another? Times like these make me want to bury my head in his chest, breathing in his scent, only to push him away because it is my love for him that is now destroying me and my self. I'm probably misconstrewing the situation and the use of her messages through her diary, but here goes it:
There are messages from her friends, that I'm sure she is using, of course, for support for herself. But the other half of the message goes out to him, where it says, "I'm sorry you won't help me like these people will. Bt I am progressing without you..." The way that they write of him and speak of him, as if he never did a kind thing for her...it breaks my freakin heart to see him spoke of in a way that should be forgotten. This 'love triangle' makes me feel like I should be on a Maury or Jerry...minus the white trash, minus the swearing, minus, well, maybe it doesn't belong on a talk show. I need to stop thinking.