My heart melted away with *your* realization of *your* own beauty. It almost made me cry, welling up tears from the deepest cavern in my body. Tears oozed from beneath, filling me and covering my body in a fulfillment that only *you* could provide. I'm happy *you* finally see.

Pat is going to GA this weekend. I'm going to miss him. Dagnabbit, I'm happy for him though. He deserves great things. He never ceases to amaze me. His thoughts run rampid through me when he expresses. The feeling cannot be explained. Maybe I could touch you, and then you'd feel. Maybe it is only the two of us who can feel, who can know. He is simple, explicit beauty.

I went to school...two days in a row, I'm shooting for a record. I walked into the building with half of my underwear parked up my arse. I walked to the elevator with it still there...and got onto the elevator with some janitor carrying a large piece of cardboard. Do you know how awkward that is? To sit in an elevator with some stranger, wanting to badly to retrieve your lost half of underwear from you arse? Well, I do. And I don't recommend it to anyone of any age. Three whole minutes with a wedgie. Unbelieveable.

I love the The Anniversary. They're fun!

I watched the sky today between classes, as the colors faded from a greyish/white to a clean slate blue. It was as if someone had taken the tarp that masked the sky's identity. The tarp had been taken from my eyes. I saw everything.

7:00 P.M.
It crept up on my slowly today, attacking at the easiest time possible: when I was alone at home by myself. No one to hug, no one to talk to. Maybe this will make me feel better, make me see what I have once again. Maybe this will make me happy. I'm slipping. I see it this time, and I'm trying to save myself. From what though? From the mass destruction that I am capable of throwing upon myself? Possibly maybe.

9:11 P.M. Will anyone save me?
Still not feeilng better. I tried sleep, I attempted to call someone, they didn't work. I'm afraid to call Pat, I don't want to bother him right now because I know he has a lot to do. *sigh* I am unwanted territory. I want to run far away from myself, but I can't escape (narf, I am me, you are you, one cannot run away from themself, this is getting confusing, I'm going to stop) and that kills me. I am the ugliest of all living creatures, and I cringe at the sight of any part of my physical body.