1. you are everything that doesn't make sense to me.
2. you make me want to never leave my house again.
3. i need to see jimmy again.
4. i need to feel like there's something inside of me that is still alive.
5. i have reduced my social life to only those things that are convinient for me.
6. this heart of mine has gotten me nowhere.
7. it's big (maybe not so much anymore), and i don't doubt that at all.
8. but it's been taken advantage of time and time again, and it's time for that to stop.
9. i have to want to stop and i have to want to not care and i have to have a million+ reasons to want to feel any of those things.
10. it's hard to be a fuckup in my eyes; you really have to screw something up to get that status.
11. so now what?
12. i sit here [stupidly] thinking of you while you're off playing video games, shopping, lifting weights?, hanging out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, getting high or drunk, lying about things that shouldn't be lied about, etc., and i wonder how you are and i wonder when i'll get to see you next.
13. being the first to ask gets tiring, it starts feeling bothersome and pestering.
14. being the only one to drive to somewhere far, to be the only one who knows what it's like to sit in a car by yourself for 2 hours with just music and your thoughts, seems less than fair.
15. meeting halfway never seemed unreasonable until now.
16. listen to "the sound" by further seems forever.
17. maybe then you'd understand.
18. this is all about the love that was never left by everyone that i wanted to.
19. i'm done.