so i hate life again. what else is new? there are a few things that make me spaztically happy, and i'm grateful for that. but there have been too many upsets in the past week, so many that i want to disappear from the face of the earth without warning. life is eating me alive, and it's not very comfortable.

i feel like i'm starting to go somewhere for once, except now it's seems like everything is on repeat, just recycling it's own existence from week to week and making me utterly miserable.

steve martin is my favorite person, once again, because he comes to see me at work. and we both argue about how we're bad friends, but in reality, we're good friends because somehow everything always works out. he hates his girlfriend and yells it in the middle of a ice rink parking lot, we laugh about how ridiculous and insane his family is, and he does perfect imitations of his brother. in reality, i love the kid because he's great. everyone should have a steve.

today the weather was comfortably disgusting, warmer than it's supposed to be and drizzling a fine mist of rain. it was pretty. too bad i spent all of today with myself.

i really don't feel like waiting around for much anymore. someone once told me that after 21, life speeds up. i'm afraid that my whole life will pass me by and i won't even realize it. i need to experience more and do more instead of doing the same things over and over and over and over (ok, you probably get the picture). there's always the promise of new things, but i think i'm constantly afraid to take advantage of those things. i'm scared of new. i'm scared to change things.

my head works in weird ways, and i want to write someone an email or a letter. perhaps i'll do that tonight. maybe i'll get some satisfaction out of writing someone else, even if they never write back (people seldom do).