It's somewhat early morning and I should be in school. I fell asleep in the car yet again and then drove home nearly falling asleep at the wheel. I haven't gotten much sleep lately, despite my supposedly feeling better. I realized that I shouldn't feel bad about anything right now. To a certain extent, nothing is my fault. But I still ache and I still feel and I'm still a sad fucking human being.

I watched old skating videos last night instead of doing the English homework I've been putting off for weeks on end. The last show that I did was so bad: the music was bad, the dresses were bad, everything about the show itself was bad. But the girls (and one guy)...they were always great. There was Meredith with the one sleeved black and gold dress, Lizzy in the green that made her boobs look huge, Me in my ever-so-cute all black dress, Steve in the cute pimp suit, etc. Skating makes me cry. I love it. And it's sad that I don't do much with it now besides teach. Everything came so easily to me. I didn't know what working for something was like. If I fell I'd accept it as my being lazy and move on. There's nothing like skating for yourself though, to appease and calm your soul. But where do I go from here? To bed, I'm going to bed.

Not sad, not angry, not happy, blah blah blah. Just tired.