this is all getting sort of pathetic. the hanging-onto things in the past that don't really exist anymore, the forcing of belief through old memories that won't ever be resurrected for the future's use, and the time that will be spent, loathing the days until all of that disappears, far past memory, far away from me.

if love fails one more time, i'm going to lose it and kill myself. if things just fall apart and nothing i can do to keep them together is worth any sort of consolation for me not having to suffer any emotional/mental pain, then i just up and fucking quit. i'm tired of this football game that's played with my heart. it's just not fucking fair anymore.

i'm sick of all the aching and the emptiness inside me, and it's never fun to feel like your eyes are on fire from crying too much.

i can't rely on anyone else for help. this much i've learned thus far. i just thought i was better than this. i guess i was wrong.