updated.
there's
more
to
life
than
this.
Other diaries:
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2*14*01 Deep breaths...breaking my wrists on the walls that castrate my intelligence. Maybe you could break my heart next summer I know now, I know the silly intuition I had before was not wrong, and now I know. My blood flew through me with rapid speed, filling me as I threw my fists against the walls. I wanted them to crack, to break. Fuel the anger elsewhere. I ran. I ran with the freezing rain scratching my face, angry at me for whatever reason. I ran with my legs nearly bare, feeling them burn from what I cannot conclude to be hot or cold. I ran feeling my heart singing rhapsodies inside me. I ran from my lungs, feeling their expansion for air to never be enough to satisfy my wheezing head. I ran from the hurt. I ran from the tears. I never learn, after being hurt by others time and time again. Moreso I hurt by the one who loves me unlike any other. Maybe offended is a better word. I'm just stupid. I miss all the times we had, where things were carefree and lackadasical. There is a love rectangle, and it's complexity will not subside until something is figured out. I don't know what I want...and I'm not sure I know what *you* want either. No more mind games, no more guessing. Truth, bleed honesty and reality. No more hiding behind blankets and small bodies. It began to snow 3:15 P.M.
I'm not feeling very "me" as of now. I feel kind of flacid, if that's really the right word to use. Just mushy, like Cream of Wheat or oatmeal. I don't know what to expect anymore. Don't expect anything, stupid. Just stop. I've rationalized that I can't be upset at what I know, because I'm in the same damn situation. But there's still a lot of feeling tossed up into the air. It's falling down everywhere, and I think we both need to know where things are. I want to hear about *you*.
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