Yesterday I cried with my eyes closed. Forever I will cry with my eyes closed. I don't like my own tears anymore. Looking at them makes me ill. Having to feel them is bad enough.

I will sit in school, wondering why I'm sitting in school...what service will it provide? I'm hanging by a moment. Where else is there to go?

Late...
My parents are two of the coolest people I know...as well as two of the most maniacal people I know. Everything that goes wrong in this house, this life, this world, is seemingly my fault. I believe much of this animosity to stem from the fact that I'm not a hard worker. I'm a slacker, a half-ass, a nutjob. Their resentment towards the lazy part of me comes out in other ways (i.e. I am a walking problem). Sad fact is, I know I'm lazy. But I don't see potential, I don't see the "brains" I was supposively "blessed" with. Maybe I should just work more, so I can move out and fuck up what is entirely MY own life and not theirs as well. Or I could just be exterminated...always a thought to keep in the back of the mind. I'm on this downward spiral, endless downward spiral. I've once again created another complex situation for myself to "sweat like a dyslexic in a spelling bee JB", over.