what isn't funny is this lump in my throat. i don't like this feeling. and i feel like i used to write more, used to feel more, and now there's not so much to feel or think, or things don't strike me the way they used to...

or i'm just running in circles with my words flying from my back.

it wasn't so difficult before to say how i felt, to be honest with the way things were with me. i just can't seem to find words anymore to describe what's going on inside, and maybe i don't want to because i'm afraid to let myself go, to give away parts of me that i barely even trust myself with. i make me more complicated than necessary. this is retarded.

things have been up and down this weekend, me weighing my values against others. life should not be this way.