I'm shivering. Does it matter? Maybe someone will come along to keep me warm.

Still shaking uncontrolably, making this difficult to write. If I didn't know myself better I'd probably say that I was having a seizure. But then I'd be lying. I guess it's easier to be happy knowing that you have nothing to do. When the days are packed with nothing but time, where's there to go? Everywhere. I didn't think I cared so much, I thought it'd be a lot easier. It's something about this place that brings me down, and quite frankly, I don't know if I want to stand up again. This weather, this person, this place, it's all around me. I've got bricks tied to my feet, and day by day I'm sinking a little bit more. Pretty soon my supply of air will retreat, and I'll be gone. I told Brandon tonight I was a pixie, we all had a good laugh. When I refer to pixie, I mean being small, fragile, but strong spirited. I want to keep going on, but will I endure this pain until it is over? And when will it be over?

And I guess I think that this is one of the dumbest things I've ever encountered. I suppose I'm naive for not understanding the circumstances, but they seem pretty simple to me. Maybe I shouldn't care...that would make things a helluva lot easier. I don't know where he stands...I don't know if he misses me, and maybe it just shouldn't even matter anymore. I can't live like this anymore. Goodbye.

11:30 A.M.
Since early this morning I've been crying. The hour of sleep that I got before daylight broke through with the rays of sunlight that I'm despising currently wasn't sufficient to stop the constant flow of tears that has been falling since 8 this morning. My eyelids are not strong enough to hold them back, face contortions in strange, spastic motions not enough to hide the pain that runs so fluently throughout me. I didn't just cry in the car this morning, I sobbed, I wept, I did everything possible that can be done with tears. When the sun emerged from behind the grey blanket that constituted a sky, it made the salt water emotion ever warmer, mocking what I know to be salt water emotion. And each time they emerge, I feel the burning in my eyes and I try to stop it. I'm so very weak now, the weight of my world has crashed upon my shoulders. I don't know if I'm what I thought myself to be. Apparently I'm childish for handling things the way that I do. I feel completely wrong in every way that I think now. Being wrong never felt so right...

It feels so good, and yet it hurts so bad. I almost slept in the car like I told *you* I might. I was afraid to step in the house, leave the warmth and comfort of my car for something less inticing: home. Thank you for sharing *your* new safe haven with me. I feel special amidst all the fresh chaos.

6:21 P.M.
Little white flakes of snow beaded the windows at 4 A.M. Slipping, sliding down glass portions making it hazy to see outside. Slipping, sliding down the precut pathways of flesh, hanging from the chin. I fight it, I try to be so strong. But I really feel like the stars that look over me have died out and gone to sleep. They found better things to do than meddle in my petty mess.