i always mean to write in my diary at some point, but i guess it's just easier to remember things in my head. i like letting the memories marinate so that they're super good when i think back about them.

these days get lonely sometimes when you have no one to hold. it feels like these open arms are dying, from the inside out, because there is no one to fill them. i get jealous when i see friends with their significant others, how happy they are to have each other close by...they don't know how lucky they are.

i thought a lot tonight, mostly about the kids i grew up with, how the skating people are the only ones i've really been able to keep in touch with. there will always be drama (we're effin figure skaters, c'mon), but it never keeps us from having a good time, ever. eight is great, and so are skaters. no matter how much we make fun of each other or how much we exploit each others dorkiness, there's still so much love. now give a figure skater a bottle of booze, and really, that's all you need to have a good party. we've all watched one another grow up, but somewhere inside us is that little kid that eerily resembled a stick (sporting spandex and tights), and all we ever wanted to do was just have fun.

i can honestly say that i hate chicago pop punk, and friday's show fueled the distaste even more. the most entertaining part of my day was going to boystown with justin and emi, having the gaymart salesguy ask me if i was 16, forgetting i was 19 and replying with 18 instead, fighting a crowd of cubs/sox fans near wrigley, and watching a group of boys play drums on their buckets. chicago suburban pop punk bands just don't do it for me anymore. i finally think i grew out of that stage. i bought a wicket pez dispenser, which i display with great pride (it's wicket, you know, the ewok). and even better, when i returned home that night, i saw one of my favoritest boys in the whole widest world at kaffeine.

i just keep feeling like there's something more i always have to say, my own two cents to add to the great, grand picture of life. i don't know what it is or how to say it, or if i really have anything to say at all, but something's clawing at me to scream, shout, laugh, and dance. i wonder if i could handle all of that at once.

i like getting suckered into drinking games, especially when i don't suck at them.