I am the shittiest friend in the world. No one should be friends with me. One day I'll open my mouth and say something that I shouldn't have. I will ruin something that was potentially fixable. I will force people to believe that I am evil, that I live to ruin other things, other people, other anythings.

So now that this is out in the open and all parties are informed, not only do I look horrible, but I feel it as well. It went from my feeling bad for someone else to my feeling ever worse about myself. I didn't think I did something so bad, I couldn't think because there just wasn't time for that at the moment.

And I keep thinking that I should just step away, leave the others alone, never speak to them again because they most likely will not speak to me. I will take the first step in disengaging a friendship to make it null and void...except I won't because I'm afraid to.

The point is, don't be my friend. I'll do something terrible to you too.

Tonight I will begin to shut everything out with pills.